the story of today in me [re-published]
here’s something i picked from my previous blog “The Neglector”.. read it.. copied.. edit it.. publishing it again here… heheh! enjuice [en-juss] bukan [en-juis]..
tetibe jek terbukak blog lame. haha! zaman kanak2 nye idea dah hilang. tak tau nak tulis pe.. dah tua2 nih.. makin hilang idea2 penulisan.. so publish mende lame je la.. haha! [tak lame mane pun]
it’s the 29th January 2007.
this should be my biggest day of all days that i had lived for.
heh! i did wished it to be normal.. but it cant be help.
i am losing my past and im continuing a journey beyond my own limits.
never would i dream this day to be filled with any darkness left by own mysterious life.
never had i think about surpassing others.
never did i foresee these changes.
what i did was so useless but.. enjoyable.
but i found the true meaning of a word… just a simple word.
all my years that i have lived, i brought this word with me.
with every fake definition within it.
i tried to tolerate each meaning til this day,
when i arrived somewhere anyone would call ‘no where’.
little by little, bit by bit, brick by brick, the word revealed its own face.
and today i am proud to say…
I HAVE FRIENDS!
not a friend.. but friends
years long i lived within the shadows..
with no one to trust
with no one to tell
not even foretold
that i have not achieved anything..
that i am searching for everything..
i have lived properly and not even a single regret will have me
i want to live with my own words, my own power
my own determination…
let me stay as who i really am,
but let me change what i truly intended to do.. to live for.
i can see the sky suffer,
i can feel the wind shuffle,
i can smell the green green of grasses,
and i can hear everyone whispering.
let me with it… it is me
i will have my own cup,
and a refreshing hot tea to be sipped.
ladies will pass by,
they have bags of leaves on their backs.
i will greet them and they will smile back.
a little kid would come by and sit beside me on my bench,
and we’ll just sit there waiting for the story of the day to be told.
reason does not matter anymore,
what we feel is our achievement.
what left to be felt are nothing more than memories.
and with it, we would just smile to each other and part ways when the day folds down.
right on this day..
i will think back… and maybe
i will have regrets,
but it will be in my past.
THAT IT REALLY IS MY DREAM
i just wish that i will live my life as i dreamt it would be.. happy..
and please.. never with regrets..