have you ever went into an exam hall, knowing you’re not prepared for the exam.. at all? you have this impending feeling of failing the exam. but still you need to go and sit for the exam. its like. u need to do this and u hoped u can go through with it. but still, u know u’re gonna fail. so u started scribbling nonsense on your papers and even slip a ‘pstt’ note in the answer sections to the examiners to ‘please let you pass this exam'[well. i’ve never actually done that. but i know some friends who did]. but that’s not what im trying to raise here. it’s the feeling.. the impending feeling of not achieving anything when the day comes to end. it’s like the sight.. the image of loss staring you in the eye, face-to-face. and no matter what you do. breaking the mirrors, closing your eyes, wave the image off, or anything.. no matter what. you still have this hard feeling of loss grabbing your heart. and in the end of the day. it’ll not go away. instead, u’d be lost.
yes. i am currently presenting my current feeling. i woke up this morning feeling tired. yet i can feel my body boasting with life energy. so i called in for a half day leave to get rid of this lazy feeling. and the minute i started my day. this blankness, this void started to fill my head. and i cant remember thinking of anything today. no!. i remembered everything i did today.. and i remembered that i thought of nothing at all. @ALL!!.
its like.. i’m doomed or somethin’.
yet. still. i woke myself up from bed. took a shower. had breakfast. and i came here to work. but i didnt hoped for the day to be better. i silently do what i must do. like a robot. am i transforming into an autobot? eh? takde lah. i am becoming a work freak. just like everybody else! waking up and going to work. even if i really dont want it.. even when i dont think about it. its not fun, and its not horrible. it’s just.. NORMAL.. damn! all my life i strove to be abnormal. but now im being normal. i dont like it. i dont dislike it. im just doing it. not spontaneously. it’s not spontaneous at all. it’s NORMAL..!
waking up without purpose is something i do. at least the actual purpose is to be lazy. but waking up without a single feeling is just some normal human would do. no! no! no! u dont get it. it’s complicated. yet… improbably difficult to not understand what it is. it is questionable. but it is also answerable. argh! whats the term for this?!!
it’s not like i cant be productive when im just plain lazy. but im being productive by being in this normal-like state. it’s good. yet i think. it is just really really bad.. like bad-bad-bad kinda bad. worst state ever. a none commercial feeling. a void.
what is today? why am i experiencing this now? it’s not like i’m taking any exams today or anythin’ similar. i just feel.. wrong.
btw, Super 8 was awesome.. and Elle Fanning were cun abis.. definitely the next Emma Watson.. lucky youngsters nowadays!! aku dah tua.. so sad!
Dylan Dog pun best gak.. dah lame tak tengok movie fiction cam Dylan Dog. last aku tengok fiction bagus cenggini adelah Constantine kot.. cume costume setan mase last2 dlm crite Dylan Dog tu cam tah pape. nampak sangat costume. macam costume monster2 yg lawan kamen rider(suria perkasa hitam). keras jek. stok kalau Dylan Dog bagi Raidah Kick(Rider Kick).. !! mesti setan boss last tuh mati meletup cam bunga api.