Monthly Archives: June 2017

I’m terribly sorry

Ok.. im over it.. well maybe not, over her.. but over “it”.it’s like i was just stunned about it.. well obviously because i like her..

but these few days, i told myself.. it’s not her fault.. it’s her life. She can do whatever she wants with her life.. dan aku nak menyibuk apehal? it’s not like i mattered.. i was not in the calculation, i am not in the calculation.. so why does she needs to care about my feelings? I’m just a single friend among friends.. And i have no rights what so ever to tell her what to do.. whats wrong with loving someone? bukan dia buat salah pun… 


Aku je yang jeles… lol


now i have realized things.. baru aku nak sedar.. baru nak bukak mata..

If there were someone yang bersalah dalam perkara ni.. it’s me.. totally me.. I did a horrible thing, i betrayed her trust and did something..aarrgggh.. 

she did not need to apologize.. she’s not the villain.. I was.. I am.. she’s just the victim of my own horrible mistake..

why o why can’t I level my head in time? selalu macam ni.. I’ve made such a mess..



p/s: if you ever read this,

“I sincerely apologize.. like big time apology. Haha. i was the one at fault for (u know) but yeah.. I am sorry.. “


I wonder again… and again

do u actually think u have even a hopeless chance? After what you’ve done? you dont even have the looks.. what makes you think you can sway her away? 
ngiang ngiang ngiang ngiang!!! 


Have you ever considered between a time frame that you fiercely wanna erase and a hopeless hope?

That time frame cannot be erased.. you’re f*cked (in your head).

You live your days knowing what hope can be found in an empty but artfully carved casket. No! Pandora’s box never existed.

Do you know that feeling? When you think your waist is tied to a mountain. You’re pulling it. You hope you can move the mountain, but you also knew, actually knew that it is purely hopeless..
There’s still hope, you can’t deny that. Someone may help you… you can hire people to take down the mountain piece by piece and move it… you can carve the mountain bit by bit…

and wallah.. the mountain may move someday.

True. You can achieve that kinda hope after years have pass you by.
True.. You can achieve it.. If what you hoped for would wait that long for you.
but you know it won’t be that simple. A fleeting hope will not stay.. It will.. flee..

And by God, I’ve tasted that fleeting hope before.. and it broke me when I was but a speck of dust on a mountain. The dust grew, attached to the mountain.. but it cracked, again.. and again… and again as I grew to be sand and then rock to stone.

Now, someone carved me from the mountain yet again.. and to my delight, is promising me that fleeting hope once again. And again, I would trust hope. For there is nothing in this world worth more than holding to that hope.. that fleeting hope. It’s like a single salt among a mountain of glossy sand. What will I do other than indulge in my own virtue: trusting hope. it is not the hope that makes me happy, it is but the feeling of trust, the trusting part that makes me wild. I’d do this again and again if I could. in fact, I’ll do it until I can’t.

I have long for the sky even before there was any hope. I wished I could caress that eternal wind with my hand.

I’ve done many mistakes and I have learned many other mistakes. and I am now sitting here waiting.. waiting for that hope to fly away.. tell me i’m stupid.. tell me i’m cracked beyond repair.. nothing will sway me (I hope).

I don’t know if you’re reading this, but if you do. Know that I am hopeless.. and if this burdens you.. My advice to you.. Cut me down instantly. The more you pity me, the more you’ll suffer from giving that hope. If I am not yours to be considered, why wait and give me this pleasure of trusting a hope that will never stay?

I will move on, as many times as time had inflicted me upon. I may move slower this time.. because this is one big hope I’m pursuing.. Though hopeless to my eyes, to my heart.. I will always know!


or you could just give me that hope.. and you’ll stop this endless hopeless pursuit.


I was just expecting an “im sorry, i cant” or “im sorry, you’re not my type”… that’s all


What have i done? What? Have? I? Done? Am I going back to what I was before? 
Forgive me