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I’m on the rooftop of the highest building in Empire City… can I say that this place is arguably might be the highest place in whole of Damansara.. I can see everything from up here.. I can even see Amcorp Mall.. hahhahahahaha!
The sky is full of clouds though.. I was hoping I could bask in the light of the SuperMoon..
But the air is clear. I can see miles ahead.
well of course i’m alone…
Adui.. aku nak spend time alone hari ni…
aku dah hide birthday aku dah.. ade je yg dapat tau…
Dah sorg dah start ajak.. aku pun kene la ajak yg lain..
p/s: Allahummagh fir lahu warhamhu wa aa fihii wa’ fu anhu
doa utk org yg dah pergi. Jgn bace dalam hati je, bace dgn suara supaya si mati boleh dengar.. ye, org mati boleh dengar (walau kat mane-mane kite berada).. derang cuma takleh reply balik kat kite je
I really need to watch what I eat.. How much I should eat. I practically slept the whole evening after lunch break today.. until the end of working time..
It’s a really.. really bad habit
It is as i thought..
there are things not shared to me anymore.. in the attempt to kononnye tanak break my heart even more..
Sebenarnye it breaks me even more when they dont trust me.. if they think i cant handle the truth..
well it shows how much they think i cant bear such a burden.. they think i am weak.. well yes.. i am weak.. that is because i am inexperience in the art of the heart.. but i think i’m recuperating quite well if i can say so..
it is as i have feared.. but biaq pi la.. aku tak rugi pun.. its just that i cant have the truth je… aaaaahhhh!!! and i long for the truth!!!! arggghhhh!!
i want to know!!!! Gimme spoilers please!!!!! hyaaaaaaaaaaarggghh!
Aku still trying.. aku taktau la kenape aku still trying.. gile susah la nak move on nih.. pejadahnye la aku nih..
Bukan kite pernah dating ke hape pun sampai aku rase camni.. nak kate ni first time pun.. tak jugak..
So hamende yg buat aku still nak rasa attach kat dia? dia pun, aku nampak berusaha kurang associate diri dia ngn aku.. (tak serapat dulu lah).. still berborak, tapi tone dia dah setakat friendly je.. haha.. dulu ade la sikit2 rase cam manje bile borak ngn dia.. (mende tu kot yg aku rindu?)
and aku still jeles bile dia tunduk bawah laptop dia bile nak berborak privately.. or mungkin dia tgh skype? Aahhh
get over it bodo..
Of all the time i had.. why now? why are you making me feel this again? Fucking hate this feeling…
like.. it came without so much as a knock on the fucking door.. or on the fucking brain.. it just hit me like..
“oh it’s convenient right now.. i better hit him with some memories of him being rejected.. hahahaha”
babi! apehal dowh???? aku cam dah steady dah, tahan diri.. sekali dia meletup camtu je… what te hell.. and i didnt even kept anything bottled up sangat pun.. just bits and parts.. kamon lah.. i’ve been doing it my whole life kot.. apehal mende kecik ni pun nak meletup??
fuck i hate this feeling…
damn.. why'd she look so lovely today? Should i have gone with her?
"Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'un"
(verily, we belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return to)
ayat ni memang powerful.. doa ni tak pernah sekali pun menghampakan aku setakat nih.
terima kasih Ayah sebab ajar tentang ayat ni kat Halim.
Cume aku baru teringat perkara ni bile aku ucap ayat ni utk kawan aku yg putus tunang.. aku baru sedar, selama ni.. bukan setakat bile kehilangan orang2 yg tersayang, or bile sedih, or tgh marah… tapi bile aku hilang barang, beg kene curik, krete kene pecah, laptop kene curik, misplaced something kat rumah.. ayah ajar ucaplah "innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiuun"..
miraculously, macam either barang tu aku jumpa atau proses hilang barang tu lancar je.. takde perasaan hiba ke, perasaan sedih or marah yg lama.
so selepas aku ucap ayat ni kat kawan yg putus tunang tu.. aku baru teringat, kenape aku tak ucap utk diri sendiri selama aku depress sebulan lepas nih.. agak gile jugak la aku jadi nye, simpan depression nih.. so i did what i did.. i said "inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiuun"
and miraculously lagi sekali, bile aku ucap kat diri sendiri.. macam all things became clearer kot.. depress aku berkurangan kurang kurang sangat.. by Allah, Maha Suci dan Maha Terpuji..
yeah.. my feelings for her lingered.. tapi not so much macam lepas kene rejek tu lah.. haha.. sampai buat aku takleh tido semua tu.. hahaha.. tapi sejak aku ucap tu, tido jadi senang sangat..
and then there is this other issue pasal penyewa aku.. innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiuun.. may Allah ease things for me.
as much as you are now.. what would happen if you were to abandoned these relationships you're currently having? i kinda know your relationship goes beyond just an affair (i really hope that i'm mistaken about this).. and then, you kept that 'other' relationship as though it doesn't matter when you get that affair finalized.
now i kinda realized why you said that maybe you can't handle things when i decided to approach for discussion..
damn you for being this way.. and damn me for not actually seeing and being late!!!!! Argh! damn me!
in a way, it must have been a good thing.. for me, at least.. that things end up as it is right now. i was searching for that opportunity, to finally be able to stand up under the pressure of a distraction. somehow, i found the motivation to forego my long time ambition.
yeah! i gotta admit, you're the one who triggered this motivation.. as much as i hoped that it was actually from me.. or rather maybe from a holy realization.. well, in a way.. i guess, it is a divine intervention..
i do admit it because my niat was set upon you to be by my side. but alas, though not yet, i think my niat is nothing but only for naught.
but i may still be wrong.. so just let me keep this hope within me a little longer.. my reason to cling to this hope is quite justified..
now let me justify, onto a very pressing matter i guess.. haha..
if you were abandoned or to abandoned these relationships you have.. will you ever consider giving me those hope ever again? or am i just a friend that will be forgotten someday?
i will ask you this question i've held.. and i will find a way for you to answer it..